Are you worried about your relationship with your partner? Has the connection
changed over the years? You’re not alone, lots of people feel that nurturing and
improving a relationship can feel like a challenge. At Sunshine Coast Couples
Clinic, our experienced couples therapist Madonna Hirning understands this
struggle.
You don't always need grand gestures or complicated plans to improve your
relationship. The secret sauce of a strong connection often lies in the little things
we do every day—those small, everyday moments that make a big difference.
Madonna Hirning, a psychologist and Certified Gottman Therapist, shares nine
simple relationship tips that can significantly improve your connection.
1. Put Your Phone Down
Be aware of the time you spend on your phone. Look for opportunities to put it
down and engage in meaningful conversations with your partner. This simple act
can create more moments of connection and be more present to conversation.
2. Recognise and Respond to Connection Attempts
Be sure to acknowledge and respond to your partner's unique ways of connecting
with you when they occur. People try to connect in various ways, including:
• Gestures of affection
• Inviting you on errands (e.g., "Want to come to Officeworks with me?")
• Sharing social media content
• Sending brief, casual text messages
• Recounting funny stories from their day
• Venting about frustrations (like the bad driver who cut them off on the way
home)
It might sound trivial, but all these scenarios are opportunities for connection. If
your first impulse is "hell no" to a trip to Bunnings or to run an errand together or
similar, maybe reconsider and go along for the ride. Sometimes just tagging along
can strengthen your bond.
3. Express Your Appreciation
Train your mind to look for ways to appreciate your partner, even during busy or
mundane weeks.
We all like to feel acknowledged. How often do we notice things our partner has
done or think how grateful we are, but the words stay in our head?
Express your appreciation. Let the words come out of your head as often as you
can and it will become a habit and you are likely then to notice more appreciation
coming back your way.
4. Show Interest in Your Partner's Day
Learn about the small details of your partner's day, so you can ask about them
later.
Make it a habit to ask your partner about their plans for the day, either the night
before or in the morning if you have the opportunity. The more you know about each other's world, the more connected and understood you'll feel.
5. Mind Your Tone
Be mindful of your tone of voice. When we're busy or preoccupied, we often don't
realise how we're speaking to those around us.
Taking a moment to breathe, soften your tone, and acknowledge when it could
have been gentler can significantly improve your connection with your partner.
6. Learn to Listen - Be a Sounding Board
Be a sounding board for your partner to vent to. When your partner vents about
stress in their day, don't try to make them a better person or solve all their
problems in life.
Just Listen. Show empathy and avoid offering advice or trying to fix the situation.
See your partner venting about their workplace or the traffic or their parents as an
opportunity to be on their side - listen and share in the emotions they are
expressing.
Resist the temptation to tell them what to do or try to offer insights from the other
person's point of view.
This is an opportunity to be there for your partner—no questions asked—and over
time it will be felt and appreciated.
7. Raising Issues - Avoid Layering Negativity
Pay attention to how you raise issues and respond to your partner's concerns.
Avoid piling on negativity or listing all your partner's faults when discussing a
problem—this comes across as criticism.
Instead, use a gentle tone and focus on expressing how the situation affects you
and what you need.
When your partner brings up an issue, even if you feel criticised, try to hear them
out. Look for fair points you can acknowledge rather than immediately becoming
defensive.
This approach is likely to prevent the conversation from escalating.
8. Manage Conflict Effectively
If you tend to shut down during conflicts because your partner is using many
words and you feel overwhelmed, try this approach: Outside of conflict, suggest
that when you feel overwhelmed, you'll ask for a break instead of shutting down.
Agree on a specific word or phrase to signal this need. This technique may require
some experimentation to get right. Importantly, agree on a time to resume the
discussion—this will make it easier for your partner to respect your need for a
break.
Remember, managing conflict effectively is about finding what works for both of
you. By establishing a system for taking breaks and resuming conversations, you
create a more supportive environment for addressing issues constructively.
9. The Gottman Card Deck - Relationship Tool
The Gottman Card Deck App is completely free on Apple and Android (download
on iTunes Store and Google Play Store). You will find many great card decks to
explore with your partner which can spark fun and connection. I recommend Love
Maps and Open Ended Questions are great to start with.
If you are both looking to be more focussed on your sex life then the sex questions
and salsa card decks are for you.
Strengthen Your Bond With Our 2 Day Intensive Couples Therapy
While our simple tips can significantly improve your relationship, sometimes
couples need a bit more guidance.
Our Two Day Couples Therapy Intensive, also known as Marathon Couples
Therapy, is an effective alternative to traditional weekly sessions.
Led by Certified Gottman Therapist and Clinic Director Madonna Hirning, this
approach allows couples to dive deep into their most pressing issues. In a
focused, intimate setting, you'll have the opportunity to address challenges,
rebuild connection, get your relationship back on track in a short but intense
period of time.
This intensive approach aligns perfectly with our tips for improving relationships. It
offers a dedicated space to practice attentive listening, express appreciation, and
learn effective conflict resolution skills with professional guidance.
Transform Your Relationship With The Art and Science of Love 2 Day Workshop 30th Nov - 1st Dec 2024.
For couples looking to build on the simple ways to improve their relationship, our
upcoming The Art and Science of Love Workshop on November 30 and December
1 at Mantra Mooloolaba Beach is an excellent next step.
Cost: $1190 per couple
Includes full registration, morning tea, lunch & afternoon tea for the couple and an
Art and Science of Love Couples Pack.
This relationship workshop takes the essence of our simple tips and expands them
into comprehensive strategies. You'll learn how to deepen your friendship,
express affection effectively, and navigate conflicts constructively. It's an
opportunity to turn the small, daily efforts we've discussed into lasting habits that
will strengthen your relationship for years to come.
Book an Appointment With Our Sunshine Coast Couples Therapist
Remember, the key to a thriving balanced healthy relationship lies in consistent,
small actions that show care, understanding, and love. These tips are just the
beginning—there are countless ways to strengthen your bond. Start by implementing one or two of these suggestions and see how they positively impact
your relationship.
Ready to take action? Choose one tip from this list that resonates with you the
most and commit to practicing it for the next week. Share this post with your
partner and discuss which areas you both feel could use some attention. By
working together and making small, intentional changes, you can create a more
fulfilling and connected relationship.
If you're looking to take your relationship to the next level or address any
challenges you may be facing, our Sunshine Coast couples therapist, Madonna
Hirning, is here to help. Our couples therapist can provide you with additional
tools, strategies, and insights to help you build a stronger, more resilient
relationship. Get in touch with Sunshine Coast Couples Clinic today.
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